What Thanksgiving foods should stay

on the dinner menu, and what foods shouldn’t

By Haven Walls, Reporter

Disclaimer: I am a vegetarian and have been my whole life so some items may not be as accurately represented as they should be.

Turkey

Turkey is usually the main course for the classic Thanksgiving dinner, and I have to say that I think this is a great thing. I mean it must be a great thing considering turkey has been a centerpiece for Thanksgiving meals since the 1800s. Although it looks delicious, many people have described turkey as dry and almost tasting like watered-down chicken. Some people even say that ham is better to eat on Thanksgiving, but in my opinion this is wrong. Ham is for Christmas, not Thanksgiving. Turkey will stay the centerpiece, whether you like it or not.

Mashed Potatoes

I am a strong believer that potatoes should not be mashed for any reason. I love potatoes, but if someone offers me mashed potatoes, I will have to decline. They don’t even taste like anything unless you put gravy on them. Even with gravy, the texture of the potatoes is vile. Mashed potatoes are basically baby food. Why is baby food on the dinner table during Thanksgiving!? Mashed potatoes should be taken off the menu, and they should’ve never been on the menu. It’s not okay to mash perfectly good food.

Gravy

Gravy is okay. It adds flavor to tasteless foods—like mashed potatoes—and for that I appreciate it. Even though gravy is really only a one-use thing, I think it’s still needed. What’s Thanksgiving without gravy? And what about those cool gravy trains some people put around their table? I love those trains. Those trains definitely can’t be put to waste, so gravy can stay.

Stuffing

I understand the purpose of stuffing. Does that mean I like it? That’s a tricky question. It really depends on what’s in the stuffing and how it was made. If the stuffing is bland and weirdly textured, I don’t even want to look at it. If the stuffing is flavorful and actually well-made, by all means put it on my plate. Stuffing can stay, for now.

Green Bean Casserole

This might be a hot take, but I honestly love green bean casserole. I only love it though if the casserole doesn’t have any mushrooms in it. I really, really despise mushrooms. If my green bean casserole gets ruined with mushrooms, I’ll be upset. Green bean casserole can stay as long as it’s mushroom free.

Dinner Rolls

Yes. Do I need to say more? They’re a luxurious food. If Thanksgiving consisted of only dinner rolls, I’d be just as happy about it as I am about a regular Thanksgiving meal. Everyone likes dinner rolls. Everyone has at least two. It’s staying on the menu, no question about it.

Cranberry Sauce

Cranberry sauce and I have a complicated relationship. Every year, I always talk about how excited I am to eat some cranberry sauce during my Thanksgiving dinner, but then when the dinner actually happens I barely eat any of it. It’s very tart so maybe that’s the reason why I don’t eat as much as I say I will, but sometimes I feel bad. I feel like I’m lying to myself. So, to not hurt the cranberry sauce’s feelings, let’s keep it on the menu. I already feel bad enough. Cranberry sauce is good, but not good enough. Don’t tell it I said that though.

Pumpkin Pie

I saved the worst for last. Just writing about pumpkin pie is going to make my stomach hurt. It’s so insanely sweet. I can’t even take a bite of pumpkin pie without cringing from how sickly sweet it tastes. I don’t even know why I take a bite in the first place; I know I’m not going to enjoy it. It’s off the menu. I can’t think about it anymore.