Radical reporters attempt to juice a dead
debate for content
By Jett Legry, Reporter
Recently, radical rabble rousers have made a shocking and dreadful attempt to reignite a debate that the masses have long since arrived at consensus on. The issue that these posers are attempting to address, instead of focusing on other prominent matters or events, is whether orange juice is superior to apple juice. This question is preposterous and a complete waste of time as only insane, psychotic, or unhinged individuals would believe that apple juice doesn’t rest on a pedestal, situated on top of a skyscraper, at the crest of a hill, with orange juice lying undesirable, unobserved, and unwanted in the sewers far below.
The pulp present in orange juice is a disgusting feature that only strengthens the reasons why apple juice is worthy of the title of best juice.
Nobody—not one single person—enjoys drinking the pulp in orange juice, otherwise they’d be an outcast from any sane society.
Apple juice’s sugary sweetness brings in a refreshing taste to one’s body and mind, unifying the person. In comparison, orange juice has an uncomfortable coldness that detracts from its already problematic nature.
Frighteningly, individual malefactors are still attempting to influence whatever weak-willed juice enjoyers they can find, and attempt to sow their madness of orange juice superiority wherever they can. Claiming, absurdly, that orange juice is perfect for pairings with food, yet apple juice falls short of this low bar. Orange juice and apple juice both have the potential to be paired with many different dishes, and the idea that this would be a deciding factor in any serious debate is a laughable opinion.
It is important to not only examine the effects of juice on the individual, but also society as a whole. This holistic cross-examination of orange juice is what proprietors of the false narrative are so bent on avoiding as they know they stand on the wrong side of the discussion, and the wrong side of history.
According to CNBC, Brazil leads the rest of the world in orange and orange juice production and exportation. Sucocítrico Cutrale, one of the largest corporate orange product producers in the world, and headquartered in Brazil, came under investigation in the past years for the formation of a ‘orange juice cartel.’
Yahoo reports that the corporation used predatory business practices to gain an advantage of the orange market, forcing smaller farms and companies out of business.
All false arguments of the superiority of orange juice are simultaneously nullified and made conjecture due to their supporting of illegal, corrupt, and unjust business practices. It is unbelievable that some can ignore the strife that surrounds orange juice in favor of their own selfish desires; furthermore, the completely biased and misleading reporting produced by orange juice delinquents is disturbing.
If the blatant fact that apple juice is the better drink than orange juice wasn’t already apparent enough, the corrupt and illicit circumstances surrounding orange juice should truly give weight to the apple juice’s valiant effort to stop this spread of villainy.