Tough indoor plants that will purify the “I can’t believe it’s March again” smell in everyone’s room

By Savannah Butcher, Graphics Editor

Tired of getting beautiful new plants and seeing them slowly wither away? With the proper care, these four plants will survive to the other side of the apocalypse and may even outlive their owners.

Pothos “Devil’s Ivy”
Epipremnum aureum

Resilient and reliable.
Grows well in indirect or low light, nutrient rich or poor soil, and even can be grown in water. They do best when watered when the top two inches of soil are dry.
Toxic if ingested – keep away from animals and curious siblings.

This plant might make owners want to live in a jungle, but they should be cautious if domestic animals try to take a nibble. They have not evolved enough for that kind of life, And neither have humans─ it is very much poisonous, so no Devils Ivy salads.

Spider Plant
Chlorophytum comosum

The plant that keeps on giving.
Water approximately every week.
A good hanging plant, produces baby spider plants.
Cats go crazy for it so keep out of their reach.

The “mama” spider plant produces baby spider plants which are easy to propagate and make a great gift for when plant owners forget someone’s birthday. They live upwards of 20 years, so for people craving stability, look no further.

Herb Garden
Basil, oregano, rosemary, parsley, and more!

Smell like a scene from an Italian restaurant, minus Billy Joel.

Growing a mini herb garden is a great way to pretend to cook! The room will also smell like fresh herbs and they provide a great late night snack for those who are too tired to walk to the kitchen or somehow do not have a food stash in their room (what’s it like to be stable?).

Money Tree
Guiana Chestnut

Exceptional plant for air filtration (but not a substitutive for the vaccine or an air purifier).
Water every one to two weeks. (The brighter the room the more water the tree will need.)
Produces seeds which look similar to chestnuts and are edible!

Start growing a money tree now and have a great indoor tree for college! Or harvest the money for tuition. Either way, this tree is a great coping mechanism for people pretending to have their life under control.

Jade Plant
Crassula ovata

Jade Plants are succulents, and hold water in their leaves. They are happiest when the top one or two inches of soil is dried before watering. Jades are toxic to horses, cats, dogs, and mildly toxic to humans, too.

This native South African plant has made its way into homes worldwide and also into all of our hearts. Let’s face it, everyone needs a jade plant in their life. They only need water every two to three weeks, and can live up to 100 years! Sign the Jade up for social security, a 401K, or if they always critique their owner’s cleaning skills and life decisions, a retirement home will suffice.