By Mira Zike, Reporter and Designer
Ever meet someone you really like — only to discover five minutes (or five weeks) into the conversation that several red flags have popped up?
There are some characteristics of unhealthy relationships that they warn you of in health class, such as violent physical contact or cheating. Many others are more obscure or less talked about, but they are, however, important.
When we first start dating someone, we tend to focus on all the things that attract us to them and the characteristics that we admire. Although, according to teenhealth.org, those rose-colored glasses can “turn into blinders that keep [you] from seeing that a relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be.”
One red flag to watch out for is if you and your significant other don’t leave the house when you are together. Sure, everyone likes movie marathons on the couch, but just like it isn’t healthy for you to sit inside all day watching Netflix, it isn’t healthy for your relationship.
Going out and doing activities together is an important step in discovering each other’s interests and learning how you act together in a new environment. It can give you insight into how your boyfriend or girlfriend interacts with your friends, family and community.
Similarly, it is important to remember how important the community is to your wellbeing. Your significant other shouldn’t be keeping you from spending time with other friends or family. You should both be able to maintain friendships apart from each other. While it may seem flattering at first that your significant other wants to be with you around the clock, according to the DoVE Project, it may be unhealthy if they are “showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away.”
Another red flag is a relationship that’s hot and cold — you never quite know where you stand. One day you’re together and committed, and the next you’re not sure if you’ll be seeing them again. Are you spending more time fighting to keep the relationship together than you are enjoying each other’s company?
When asked what can get in the way of teens forming healthy relationships, VHS Student Support Specialist Tracie Mach noted the tricky role of technology.
“Texting and social media can be a fun and easy way of interacting, but if they are your main mode of interaction, check in on your abilities to have a conversation together in person — both should leave you each feeling good,” Mach said.
This can also apply to your comfort with talking about sexual decisions. Everyone has experienced how easy it can be to say something over text that you would not say in person. In an age where sexting and sending nudes is not unheard of, it can be easy to lose sight of your boundaries.
It’s easy to have regrets about pressing send.
Mach also encourages teens to keep an eye out for jealousy over who you communicate with on social media or demands for immediate replies to texts.
Healthy relationships require give and take as well as being able to strike a compromise. A partner who always has to have it “my way or the highway” is not showing respect for your needs.
“Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time,” website teenhealth.org said.
This especially applies to sexual decisions. In a healthy relationship, couples should be able to talk openly about what they want and are ready for sexually. Each partner should always respect the other’s boundaries. Nagging, coercing and guilt-tripping don’t have a place in any solid relationship.
No partner should feel belittled or be made to believe their feelings are less than the other’s. Having someone to share and celebrate your successes with is part of what makes relationships fun and meaningful.
If your partner is always competing with you or minimizing what you find most important, it can leave you feeling unappreciated and unimportant. The happiest couples bring out the best in each other and lift one another up.
When it comes to emotional support, it needs to be reciprocated. One partner can’t always be leaning on the other without giving something in return. When your partner needs support, you rush to their side. But at the end of a rough day, can you count on your partner to do the same for you?
These red flags may seem insignificant at first glance, but learning to recognize these subtle signs could end up saving you from a harmful relationship.
If you find yourself unhappy and questioning if your relationship is unhealthy, there are resources available. Locally, you can turn to the DoVE Project hotline or website or meet with someone to talk in person. You can also turn to adults you trust such as a coach or your school counselor.
So when you see the first red flag, take a step back from the excitement of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship is carrying you in the right direction.